he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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