your parents love me but you hate me
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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