Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize