Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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