I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
