The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
