May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
