she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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