I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
