i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
