why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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