she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
