WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
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Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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