is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
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I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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