Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
