I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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