If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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