we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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