what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
