So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
