There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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