I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
