pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize