i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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