He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
