So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
you're hired as official boob wrangler
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
