White coat. Heels.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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