I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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