I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
