Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
