I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm too high and old for this...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
