Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
