Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you didnt know i had herpes?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Randomize
