He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
