Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
