I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
MIDGETS
????
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
