I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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