And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
