Porn is love you can see.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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