Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
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I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
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