What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
