Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
