Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
