just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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