is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
BRING THE BAGELS
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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