I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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