Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
