My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
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i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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