so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Randomize
