Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
