I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
