i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
