Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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