I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
