I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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