i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
