Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
