I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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