her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
