My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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